There was a chase. And then the good guy jumped over the fence, and then the bad guy saw the gate unlocked and ran through it after her (What? Who says the “good guy” can’t be a girl?). Then he caught up to her and grabbed her arm. Then she unleashed her inner woman warrior she’d tapped into in a recent self-defense class. He gasped and then groaned as he fell to the ground.
You know what’s wrong with this scene? Sure, many things, but one was exaggerated to make a point. We are over-using the word “then,” people!
Is any meaning lost between the sentences “he ran; he jumped” and “he ran; then he jumped”? No sense of timing is missing when the word “then” is cut.
I feel like we sometimes use “then” in our creative writing to up the suspense and pacing of a scene, but really, it makes the lines clunkier and wordier—the exact opposite of our stated goal!
When you are finished with your next writing project, why not utilize that ever handy “find” feature (Ctrl +F) and seek out the word “then.” How many did you write? How many can you cut? How much better will your story be because of it?